Agree to disagree

Dave Simpson shares his thoughts on why we should agree to disagree, in the face of culture wars and countless divisive issues.

It is fair to say the last few years have most certainly not been business as usual. The Covid 19 pandemic, the war in Ukraine and more recently the cost of living crisis have all been significant contributing factors to a quite uncertain time.

One other significant factor of the times we live in is the ‘culture wars’. Put simply these are a number of disagreements played out in public on a range of issues that are usually social, political and cultural.

They are typically a clash of conservative and liberal opinions and they play out in many different countries across the globe. Issues of sexuality, gender, economy and the environment all factor in.

In this article I don’t intend to comment on any of these specific topics at hand but rather the overall discussion itself.

The label ‘culture wars’ suggests a fight where no quarter is given on either side and there is no opportunity to meet in the middle. Sadly this is all too often the case.

Of course for all of history humans have profoundly disagreed on such subjects and at times the disagreements have led to actual wars and violence. At other times however there has been the opportunity for genuine debate and discussion where each side is heard and a way forward is sought.

Social media plays a significant part in the way in which public discourse currently takes place. Twitter is designed for people to express their opinions on anything and everything but you only have 280 characters in which to do so. For reference the previous paragraph of this article contains 289 characters.

As you can imagine, and any Twitter user knows, this limit results in blunt and impersonal posts which often only increase the level of disrespect between those who disagree. There simply isn’t enough space for a proper dialogue.

Facebook and other online platforms value controversial posts which divide opinion. Many Facebook accounts deliberately post content designed to get a strong reaction and provoke users to comment emotively.

These comments are rarely constructive and by their nature there is no opportunity to actually interact face to face with the other people commenting.

You may think that these culture wars don’t really matter and are just a part of modern life we have to learn to live with.

However I am of the opinion that society is suffering as a result. Don’t get me wrong I don’t expect everyone to all agree on everything. Disagreement is vital but I do wonder whether we have lost the art of disagreeing well.

I was born in the very early 90s and as a result I’m one of the last generation to remember the pre-internet and pre-social media days. My daughter won’t ever know a time where social media platforms do not play a significant role in public life. I sometimes wonder if we’ve opened Pandora’s Box and won’t be able to put the lid back on.

As a Christian I’m aware of Christ’s words to ‘love your enemy’. For many of us today our enemy might look like those people sat on the opposite side of the culture war.

What would it be like to live in a world in which we chose to love those we disagree with?

I believe if we choose to love and show respect for those we disagree with so much more is possible. Disagreeing is not only important but is how we learn. It is how we consider things from another point of view and see things that we never would have done by ourselves.

Disagreeing well and reaping the benefits of disagreement comes by listening.

Chris Cole, who often writes these articles, says that everyone has a backstory. In other words everyone has lived a life with joy and pain, sorrow and challenge that has had consequences and has informed why they think and act the way they do.

Unless we take the time to listen to each other we’ll never know these backstories.

Behind all our opinions I think we’re actually all quite similar. I’m sure we all want to grow up in peace, to live full lives and see our friends and family have the opportunity to prosper. If we really want that for our lives, maybe it’s time we learn to disagree well.

Agree to disagree

It is fair to say the last few years have most certainly not been business as usual. The Covid 19 pandemic, the war in Ukraine and more recently the cost of living crisis have all been significant contributing factors to a quite uncertain time.

One other significant factor of the times we live in is the ‘culture wars’. Put simply these are a number of disagreements played out in public on a range of issues that are usually social, political and cultural.

They are typically a clash of conservative and liberal opinions and they play out in many different countries across the globe. Issues of sexuality, gender, economy and the environment all factor in.

In this article I don’t intend to comment on any of these specific topics at hand but rather the overall discussion itself.

The label ‘culture wars’ suggests a fight where no quarter is given on either side and there is no opportunity to meet in the middle. Sadly this is all too often the case.

Of course for all of history humans have profoundly disagreed on such subjects and at times the disagreements have led to actual wars and violence. At other times however there has been the opportunity for genuine debate and discussion where each side is heard and a way forward is sought.

Social media plays a significant part in the way in which public discourse currently takes place. Twitter is designed for people to express their opinions on anything and everything but you only have 280 characters in which to do so. For reference the previous paragraph of this article contains 289 characters.

As you can imagine, and any Twitter user knows, this limit results in blunt and impersonal posts which often only increase the level of disrespect between those who disagree. There simply isn’t enough space for a proper dialogue.

Facebook and other online platforms value controversial posts which divide opinion. Many Facebook accounts deliberately post content designed to get a strong reaction and provoke users to comment emotively.

These comments are rarely constructive and by their nature there is no opportunity to actually interact face to face with the other people commenting.

You may think that these culture wars don’t really matter and are just a part of modern life we have to learn to live with.

However I am of the opinion that society is suffering as a result. Don’t get me wrong I don’t expect everyone to all agree on everything. Disagreement is vital but I do wonder whether we have lost the art of disagreeing well.

I was born in the very early 90s and as a result I’m one of the last generation to remember the pre-internet and pre-social media days. My daughter won’t ever know a time where social media platforms do not play a significant role in public life. I sometimes wonder if we’ve opened Pandora’s Box and won’t be able to put the lid back on.

As a Christian I’m aware of Christ’s words to ‘love your enemy’. For many of us today our enemy might look like those people sat on the opposite side of the culture war.

What would it be like to live in a world in which we chose to love those we disagree with?

I believe if we choose to love and show respect for those we disagree with so much more is possible. Disagreeing is not only important but is how we learn. It is how we consider things from another point of view and see things that we never would have done by ourselves.

Disagreeing well and reaping the benefits of disagreement comes by listening.

Chris Cole, who often writes these articles, says that everyone has a backstory. In other words everyone has lived a life with joy and pain, sorrow and challenge that has had consequences and has informed why they think and act the way they do.

Unless we take the time to listen to each other we’ll never know these backstories.

Behind all our opinions I think we’re actually all quite similar. I’m sure we all want to grow up in peace, to live full lives and see our friends and family have the opportunity to prosper. If we really want that for our lives, maybe it’s time we learn to disagree well.